DTR

I hustled out of my building after reading Ashley's text, promising myself I would come in early to complete the work I had left unfinished. Knowing that the subway would take at least 20 minutes to get downtown, I hailed the first cab I saw reasoning with myself that it was worth the $10. 

"West 12th and Greenwich," I told the cabbie as he headed down 9th ave. I had spent almost a year belting out "53rd and 9th" and it was going to take some getting used to saying the new address which still felt foreign on my lips. 

As we headed towards my new home I debated texting Dylan to let him know I was on my way. Why was he even here? This was the second time he had shown up unannounced, but maybe he watched so many romcoms that he thought this is what women wanted. On the other hand, maybe he just wants to end things and felt badly doing it over the phone. My stomach was twisted in a million knots as the cab hit what felt like every single red light. Finally, I saw my street corner come into view. I quickly swiped my credit card, over tipping the cabbie and stepped out into the street. 

I let myself into the apartment and found Dylan sitting on the couch, still in his work clothes. His shirt was unbuttoned exposing his collarbone, and his skin was a deep tan from all the weekends spent at the beach. His brown hair had gotten longer than I remembered and was teasing the top of his shirt collar. As always, his piercing blue eyes framed by those long dark lashes were staring at me, and I ached to touch him. Looking around, Ashley was no where to be seen. 

"Hey," I greeted him, dropping my keys onto the narrow counter. "Where's Ashley?"

"She got a call and had to go," he said, and I knew she had just made up an excuse so that she wouldn't have to witness whatever awkward situation was about to unfold. 

I wanted to rush to him, to hug him and wrap myself around him, but I was too aware of the palpable tension between us. I was angry at him for not calling me for two days, for drunkenly being with Kara on Saturday and for asking me to be his girlfriend in the most inappropriate way possible. Everything that happened between us was constantly shrouded in confusion and I was growing tired of the games.

Before I could decide what to do, he covered the space between us and enveloped me in his arms. I felt tiny and safe in his enormous embrace and found myself wondering if it would be the last time, if he had come here to end things. When he pulled me away he didn't even try to kiss me. 

"Whats going on? Why are you here?" I blurted out, all efforts of trying to remain cool out the window. 

"I have a meeting tomorrow morning with a client in the city," he answered. 

"Oh," I replied, trying to ignore the selfish feeling I got realizing that he hadn't come all this way to see me.

"Well they asked us today if someone from my team would go, so I volunteered. I didn't know about the meeting until this morning," he said. 

"Gotcha," I replied, pushing past him and heading towards the fridge. If he was going to dump me, I was going to need wine. 

"Look I know I've been kind of MIA the last few days, but I just needed to think," he said. I didn't look up as I poured myself a hefty glass of wine. 

"Think about what?"

"This just feels like it's going really.. I don't know, fast," he said with a shrug. 

I wanted to throw something at him. 

"It is," I said back. "But you were the one pushing it so fast too you know."

"I know, and it's what I wanted at the time," he said. I felt my lunch turn over in my stomach at his use of the past tense. 

"Are you here to end things?" I asked, unable to take his vague remarks much longer. "Did you actually come all the way to New York and show up at my apartment unannounced just to tell me you were over this? Because I have a phone, that would have been less dramatic." 

"No Dani, I don't want to end things at all," he said confidently. 

"I'm confused then," I said, trying to tune out the hopeful voice in my head. 

He ran his hands through his hair and let out a deep breath. "I want to be with you, I want to introduce you to people as my girlfriend. But I'm worried because we don't even live in the same city and you already barely trust me. I don't know what Nick or someone else did to you to make you so defensive against men, but I feel like I'm constantly having to prove to you that I'm a good guy." 

I chewed on the inside of my cheek, unsure of how to reply. He made a good point, I definitely didn't trust him. But I wasn't the type of girl who wore her heart on her sleeve and trusted everyone right off the bat. It took time for that. 

"I just feel like there are so many reasons not to do this," he said after I didn't reply.

"Dylan, of course there are reasons not to do it, there will always be reasons not to do it. If you just think hesitantly and defensively, there will be so much working against us," I said, hoping it even made sense. I was having a hard time articulating how I felt, but all I knew was that I wasn't ready to give up on this just yet. "I think you need to decide what you want and just go for it. If that's walking away, then okay. But if that's being together, then I'm all in." I exhaled shakily, my uneven breaths portraying how terrified I was of what his response would be. Balling my fists up by my side I steeled myself for his answer.

"I want to be with you too," he said after what seemed like an eternity. I felt a massive weight lift off my shoulders. 

"Are you sure?" I asked. 

"I'm not sure about a lot of things, but of you I am," he replied, his cocky half smile playing at the corner of his mouth. 

I walked over towards him and he wrapped his arms around me once more. The stress of the last two days without him finally beginning to fade into a distant memory. 

"So we're doing this?" I asked with a smile, tilting my head up towards him.

"Sure seems that way," he said, leaning down towards me. He twisted his hand in my hair, pulling my head back and tilting my face towards his. There was no pause, no slow approach as his mouth found mine eagerly. We stayed that way for awhile before pulling apart. 

"So want to see my new place?" I offered, a terribly transparent attempt at getting him into my bedroom.

"Ashley already gave me the grand tour," he said, his hands trailing down my sides to my hips. 

"Are you hungry?" I offered, as his mouth found my neck. 

"Yes, but probably not in the way you're offering," he said, his voice muffled against my skin. He slid his hands up inside my dress and around the waist of my thong. Pushing it aside, his fingers were inside of me in an instant. His free arm lifted me up around the waist and placed me on the arm of the couch. 

"Spread your legs," he said and I did as I was told. He was kissing me again, and I could feel his smile against my mouth as I moaned. 

I could get used to this.

**This blog started less than 6 months ago and I'm seriously overwhelmed at the stats! You guys are the effing greatest. As a thank you for being such incredible readers, there will be a bonus post tomorrow (Saturday) so keep an eye out! Also, feel free to send me any questions you have either via email (tragedytwentysomething@gmail.com) Twitter (@Trag20something) or leave a comment! I'll be answering a bunch in a FAQ post coming in the next week or two. No question is off limits :) xoxo**