One Door Closes

 

On Saturday morning, I woke up with an emotional hangover. Of course I had slept with Dylan - I am only human afterall - and it had been just as incredible as it had always been. But now, with him sleeping quietly next to me, I had flashbacks to how many times I thought about Nick during said incredible sex. 

I slowly slid out of bed and padded into the bathroom, where I did a swig if listerine, brushed my hair, and ok, curled my eyelashes. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

I came back into my bedroom with a cup full of ice water for Dylan, setting it on his side of the bed. As I slunk back under the sheets, he stirred, giving me a bleary-eyed smile. 

"Good morning," he said, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me toward him. 

"Good morning," I said back, smiling. "I got you refreshments," I said, gesturing toward the water. 

"Saint," he replied, eagerly chugging it. 

"How'd you sleep?" I asked him, snuggling into him. 

"Amazing. I missed this bed." 

"Just the bed?" I asked with a grin. 

"Mostly the accessories the bed comes with," he wiggled his eyebrows in an embarrassing move, but then we were officially done talking. 

Later that morning, after he whipped up an impressive omelette using the meager contents of mine and Ashley's serious neglect at grocery shopping, we decided to walk over the Brooklyn Bridge. I had done it countless times, but it always it felt magical. With the early Fall light bathing the city in a golden glow and tourists gawking at the skyline mixed in with NYC natives going on their morning jog, it was always the best view of the city and people watching alike. 

When we got to the other side, we decided to stop at Shake Shack for lunch. Over a split order of the Chick'n Shack and cheese fries, we sat in companionable silence, which did nothing good for letting my mind wander. 

Nick is still in the city 

I glanced over at Dylan. Gorgeous, kind, amazing Dylan. But there was a reason this didn't work the first time, and nothing had changed. Even this morning everything felt heavy, and I sensed he felt the same way that I did - this was fun, it was comfortable. But this wasn't worth going to bat for, dragging it out again long distance, juggling trust issues, and then even if it did work facing the inevitable decision of someone moving cities and uprooting their entire life. 

This wasn't it. 

We finished lunch, bantering as usual and play-fighting over the last french fry. We decided to make the trek back home via the bridge again to burn off all of the fried food. As we approached my apartment, I turned to Dylan and I knew he could see it on my face. 

"This was great..." I trailed off, trying to tell my lady parts to not take over the situation and invite him inside. 

"It was, D," he said, tucking a stray hair behind my ear that had been pulled out of my low bun by the windy bridge walk. 

"I know you're a guy and therefore not even remotely looking for some kind of DTR," I said with a small laugh. 

"DTR?" he asked, smiling back. 

"Define the relationship," I provided. 

"Oh," he said, now looking just as uncomfortable as I would expect any dude to after having sex with their ex. 

"Don't freak out," I said, laughing again to add lightness. "I just wanted to say... I don't expect anything here. At all. It's fun, but I am in a crazy confused place, and I just... I am not going to get needy about this. We can go back to our regularly scheduled lives." 

"Okay..." he said, looking confused. "I mean I wasn't about to propose or anything, but I did think maybe if you were up for it, we could explore this again." 

I took a deep breath, and tried to avert my eyes because I knew if I lingered too long, his gorgeousness would sway me. 

"If you lived here, or I lived there, I would say yes in a heartbeat. But I can't go through what we did before just to end up in the same place." 

He sat on that for a beat. "I get it," he finally offered. 

I gave him a huge hug, and a long, Nicholas Sparks movie-worthy kiss. Because in my mind, this was the scene in a movie where the two star-crossed lovers just don't make it. (OK also I just had been listening to way too much Taylor Swift lately.) 

He followed me into my apartment to grab his phone which he had left charging on my dresser while we went to lunch. As he walked by me to leave, he gave me a kiss on the cheek. "I might not live in Philly forever, you know," he said, squeezing my arm as he walked out. 

As I heard the door close, I expected to feel an ache. But instead, I started to feel like I had finally made a decision to remove myself from the limbo that had been Dylan for the last year. 

With a deep breath, I picked up the phone and decided to answer Nick's text from the night before. 

What are you doing tonight?