One Door Closes

 

On Saturday morning, I woke up with an emotional hangover. Of course I had slept with Dylan - I am only human afterall - and it had been just as incredible as it had always been. But now, with him sleeping quietly next to me, I had flashbacks to how many times I thought about Nick during said incredible sex. 

I slowly slid out of bed and padded into the bathroom, where I did a swig if listerine, brushed my hair, and ok, curled my eyelashes. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

I came back into my bedroom with a cup full of ice water for Dylan, setting it on his side of the bed. As I slunk back under the sheets, he stirred, giving me a bleary-eyed smile. 

"Good morning," he said, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me toward him. 

"Good morning," I said back, smiling. "I got you refreshments," I said, gesturing toward the water. 

"Saint," he replied, eagerly chugging it. 

"How'd you sleep?" I asked him, snuggling into him. 

"Amazing. I missed this bed." 

"Just the bed?" I asked with a grin. 

"Mostly the accessories the bed comes with," he wiggled his eyebrows in an embarrassing move, but then we were officially done talking. 

Later that morning, after he whipped up an impressive omelette using the meager contents of mine and Ashley's serious neglect at grocery shopping, we decided to walk over the Brooklyn Bridge. I had done it countless times, but it always it felt magical. With the early Fall light bathing the city in a golden glow and tourists gawking at the skyline mixed in with NYC natives going on their morning jog, it was always the best view of the city and people watching alike. 

When we got to the other side, we decided to stop at Shake Shack for lunch. Over a split order of the Chick'n Shack and cheese fries, we sat in companionable silence, which did nothing good for letting my mind wander. 

Nick is still in the city 

I glanced over at Dylan. Gorgeous, kind, amazing Dylan. But there was a reason this didn't work the first time, and nothing had changed. Even this morning everything felt heavy, and I sensed he felt the same way that I did - this was fun, it was comfortable. But this wasn't worth going to bat for, dragging it out again long distance, juggling trust issues, and then even if it did work facing the inevitable decision of someone moving cities and uprooting their entire life. 

This wasn't it. 

We finished lunch, bantering as usual and play-fighting over the last french fry. We decided to make the trek back home via the bridge again to burn off all of the fried food. As we approached my apartment, I turned to Dylan and I knew he could see it on my face. 

"This was great..." I trailed off, trying to tell my lady parts to not take over the situation and invite him inside. 

"It was, D," he said, tucking a stray hair behind my ear that had been pulled out of my low bun by the windy bridge walk. 

"I know you're a guy and therefore not even remotely looking for some kind of DTR," I said with a small laugh. 

"DTR?" he asked, smiling back. 

"Define the relationship," I provided. 

"Oh," he said, now looking just as uncomfortable as I would expect any dude to after having sex with their ex. 

"Don't freak out," I said, laughing again to add lightness. "I just wanted to say... I don't expect anything here. At all. It's fun, but I am in a crazy confused place, and I just... I am not going to get needy about this. We can go back to our regularly scheduled lives." 

"Okay..." he said, looking confused. "I mean I wasn't about to propose or anything, but I did think maybe if you were up for it, we could explore this again." 

I took a deep breath, and tried to avert my eyes because I knew if I lingered too long, his gorgeousness would sway me. 

"If you lived here, or I lived there, I would say yes in a heartbeat. But I can't go through what we did before just to end up in the same place." 

He sat on that for a beat. "I get it," he finally offered. 

I gave him a huge hug, and a long, Nicholas Sparks movie-worthy kiss. Because in my mind, this was the scene in a movie where the two star-crossed lovers just don't make it. (OK also I just had been listening to way too much Taylor Swift lately.) 

He followed me into my apartment to grab his phone which he had left charging on my dresser while we went to lunch. As he walked by me to leave, he gave me a kiss on the cheek. "I might not live in Philly forever, you know," he said, squeezing my arm as he walked out. 

As I heard the door close, I expected to feel an ache. But instead, I started to feel like I had finally made a decision to remove myself from the limbo that had been Dylan for the last year. 

With a deep breath, I picked up the phone and decided to answer Nick's text from the night before. 

What are you doing tonight? 

 

Miss You More

 

I nearly choked on my drink at the sight of them. Hadn't I just told Ash where we were with the explicit purpose of her avoiding my location?!

Ashley came up to us, sporting slight Bambi legs and very apologetic eyes. "I'm so sorry," she hiss-whispered to us. "I let it slip you were here and then Nick took control of the group." 

My stomach dropped. Was I in some sort of flashback episode of The O.C.? I took a deep breath. 

"It's fine," I said shortly, trying to avoid any sort of freakout. Ash then turned to Dylan and gave him a huge hug. 

"Hey stranger!" she said enthusiastically. The two of them began the usual small talk that accompanies seeing a long-lost friend. While they were occupied, I figured I better bite the bullet. Sliding gracelessly off of my stool, I headed over to where Nick was chatting with Trevor. 

His gorgeous eyes landed on mine, the same eyes that had enraptured the entire country on their screens. 

"Hi," he said with a slow smile, not even hiding his eyes sliding up and down my body. Thank you, universe, for at least making this reunion happen when I had really good hair.

"Hello," I said back. This was riveting conversation. Trevor quickly read the situation and politely excused himself, with a quick squeeze of my shoulder as he wandered off. 

"You look great," he said. I returned the sentiment, then we sat there in awkward silence for a solid 20 seconds. 

"So, is that the ex?" he asked, nodding his head toward Dylan. 

"Yeah, he's in town for a work thing," I replied awkwardly. When he didn't respond I offered "Do you want an introduction?" 

He gave me a look. "You're right, that's weird," I followed up, peppering the response with nervous laughter. 

"Well I'm just a little upset, I thought maybe I'd be the lucky one taking you home tonight," he boldly said. 

Now it was my turn to give him a look. We both laughed, but I could feel the tingling down low telling me everything I needed to know about who I wanted to go home with. Ugh. 

"Well, see, I typically don't go home with guys who ignore my texts," I said, emboldened by his own honesty. 

He flushed. "I actually... have a reason for that. I wasn't the one who initially read it." At my confused expression, he continued. "I was in the shower when you sent it the other day and someone else opened my phone. They deleted it, but told me about it a few days later." 

"Can you stop being so vague with 'they'?" I pressed. 

"Lacey," he responded, looking at his feet. Well, that stung. Two minutes into our reunion and we're already about to have our first fight. 

"So if Lacey is in the picture, why are you making comments about coming back to my apartment?" I demanded. 

"She's not in the picture at all, she was still at my apartment as the crew was wrapping up filming for the day, and I had to get ready for something that evening," he responded. "She's... upset with me and when I told her I was coming to New York for a few days she flipped and mentioned you, and the message. By that point I felt too weird texting you back. I'm sorry."

I absorbed this. "To be honest, I didn't need so much detail, but thanks," I said with a small laugh. 

He smiled back, offering nothing further. "Well," I started, "I should get back." I gestured to where Dylan was nursing his drink at the bar. "Good seeing you." 

As I walked away, I felt more emotions than I had in a while. I was walking away from my past...toward my past. My heart did a bang-up imitation of the Grinch's at the end of the movie - growing multiple sizes - everytime I saw Nick. And now I had to go act like I was totally fine and resume my date with Dylan. 

"Hey," I said with an apologetic smile as I returned to my original seat. Bless him, he didn't press me on anything. 

"Hey you, your drink was starting to get watered down." he smiled. 

"So, do you want to get out of here?" I asked, desperate to escape this suffocating situation. 

"Always," he replied. 

As Dylan settled up with the bartender, I snuck a glance over at Nick. The group had settled into a booth in the corner and were laughing at something Trevor was saying. I caught Ash's eye as we headed out the door, giving her a small wave. 

On the walk home, Dylan took my hand in his. 

"Thanks for being so cool back there," I said to him, keeping my eyes trained ahead on 12th. 

"The amount of times you had to deal with Kara? No problem," he said, aiming for lightness. 

We got back to my place and as I hung my bag up on the hook, I noticed my phone lighting up inside. I pulled it out, intending to silence it in order to rid my brain of all thoughts except Dylan and his waiting abs. 

I miss you more 

It was from Nick.