Cause You're The Only Thing I Know

On New Year's Eve, our offices closed at noon and I found myself heading home by 2 p.m. I lingered for a while, not wanting to skip out right at the strike of 12 since everyone was proving themselves at work these days. Instead, I mapped out our Instagram calendar through March and submitted a few project briefs to the photo department for things they wouldn't even need to look at for another few months. Elena was coming over at 7:00, so I had five empty hours stretching in front of me. I decided to use them to primp, since what else is a gal to do when she's alone before a night out? I headed to Duane Reade and picked up a face mask, hair mask, new nail polish and wine. 

Once home, I spent the next few hours primping, napping and watching TV. There was a marathon on of Nick's show (all six episodes of it), which I avoided. I had never gotten around to watching the season past the pilot, and I had no intentions of it. I knew it would somehow shift my relationship with him which was already complicated enough. Instead I settled for mindless hours of the Kardashians. By the time 7:00 rolled around I was shaved, lotioned, plucked and polished to perfection. 

"Hey you!" I said as I swung open the door for Elena. She looked killer in a sequin mini dress that hung loose and ended abrubtly less than halfway down her model-worthy thighs. Her hair was piled in a messy top knot and she had added a bold red lip. "You look fantastic!"

"Thanks!" she said, pulling me in for a hug. "So do you."

I had settled on a black lace dress which was conservative in the front, but had an entirely open back. I left my hair down and wavy, adding only delicate gold earrings and a smoky eye. 

We made our way to the kitchen to sip on wine before leaving.

"So are you going to kiss Nick at midnight?" she asked, as I was swigging my Pinot.

I gave her a wide-eyed look in response. "No way!" 

"Oh come on," she berated me, giving me a firm stare. "You're single now."

"Ah that's right, I had forgotten," I replied with an accompanying finger snap.

"Speaking of, have you talked to Dylan at all lately?" 

I nodded slowly, almost ashamed at the memory. In a moment of weakness two nights ago, I had broken down and called him under the guise of asking if i had left one of my necklaces there (I hadn't, the one I described to him was safely in a dish on my dresser), when in reality I had just wanted to hear his voice. We had ended up talking for almost 15 minutes and by the time we hung up I was alarmed at the giddy sensation I felt. As I rehashed the story to Elena, I felt the same butterflies in my stomach at the memory of the way he had made me laugh.

When I finished, she sighed loudly. "To be honest, you've done a pretty solid job of breaking up until that call. I don't know if it is because you're in different cities, but one little phone call doesn't mean that you want him back," she said.

"I know," I replied, refilling my glass and topping off hers as well. "It just felt dumb. He texted me today, asking about my plans for tonight."

"What did you tell him?" 

"Just that I was going to a friend's apartment," I replied. "He didn't push further."

"Did you ask what he's doing?" she pressed.

"Nope," I said. "I didn't want to hear anything that rhymes with Schmara." 

Elena looked puzzled.

"Kara," I clarified with a small smile at how slow she could be for such a smart gal.

"Ohhh!" she replied with a laugh. "True."

After a few more minutes, we touched up our makeup and headed out the door, slightly tipsy. Emboldened by the wine and fancy clothes, for a fleeting moment I felt like the night could really be a fresh beginning. I linked Elena's arm as we hailed a cab fairly easily and gave the driver Nick's address. 

Walking into the apartment was as familiar as always, although it was packed to the brim with people; everyone looking totally vogue-worthy. Suddenly, I felt out of place in my Top Shop dress and DSW heels. 

"What is this, all of Nick's famous friends and their model girlfriends?" Elena whispered sharply into my ear, speaking aloud the exact thing I was thinking. I gave her a shrug and made a beeline for where I knew they usually set up the makeshift bar. I scanned the room for Nick, but only found Trevor.

"Dani!" he called, spotting me at the exact same time. I grabbed Elena's hand and weaved through the crowd towards him. 

"Happy New Year!" he bellowed, clearly feeling the buzz already. He enveloped me in a huge hug before pulling away. "Who's your friend?" he asked, looking pointedly at Elena.

"This is Elena, I think you two have met before," I said, knowing that they had definitely met on more than one occasion. Classic Trevor. 

"Hi Trevor," Elena said, clearly not amused. 

He grinned, "Sorry, I'm not great with names. I promise to remember you now," he gave her a wink. 

"Bummer that Ash couldn't come," I interjected, uncomfortable with the way he was looking at Elena. 

"I know," he said, "Can't wait until she gets back. So have you seen Nick yet?" 

"Nope," I said, "We just got here."

"Well then, you need a drink!" he announced, and before he had even finished the sentence he was herding us towards the bar. I gave Elena an apologetic look. 

"He's had a few too many already," I joked. I felt guilty for dragging Elena out tonight and was desperate to show her a good time. 

Once we both had dirty martinis in hand (they had hired an entire bartending service to host the event), we did a slow rotation of the room. After years of dating Nick, I knew a couple of people there and before I knew it two hours had passed, still with no sign of Nick. 

"Bathroom?" Elena asked, and I nodded, excusing us from a conversation with two friends from college. We headed down the narrow hallway only to find a line five girls deep waiting to use it. 

"Shit," Elena said, looking at me pathetically. "I've had to pee for like an hour now." 

I grabbed her arm and steered her through the line. Nick had a bathroom attached to his bedroom, which I assumed none of the others knew about. I pushed open the door and stopped suddenly. It hadn't occurred to me that Nick would be in his room. But there he was, sitting side by side on the bed with the girl I presumed to be Hadley. Their faces were close and his arm was draped lazily across her waist, so naturally that it couldn't be the first time it had found its way there. Her shiny brown hair cascaded down her back and even sitting I could tell she had a solid five inches on me. My heart sank, and I wasn't entirely sure why. 

"Sorry!" I yelped, trying to navigate my way backwards in four-inch heels. 

"Dani..." Nick said, jumping up as if he had been caught.

"Sorry, really, we were just going to use the bathroom," I muttered. I could feel the hot rush of blood to my cheeks as I started to close the door. 

"Oh my god," I said breathlessly once Elena and I were safely outside the room.

"Whoops," Elena said while clearly trying to stifle a laugh. "That was awkward. You looked like a baby gazelle trying to wobble out of there backwards."

I softly punched her in the shoulder. "Oh go get in line with the commoners," I said, steering us back towards the bathroom line.

After the bathroom, I immediately found my way back to the bar. Giving the bartender my most charming smile, I sweetly asked for a Patron shot. 

"Patron?" Elena asked. "Bold."

"You're doing it with me," I demanded, handing her one of the plastic shot glasses filled with clear liquid. 

She shook her head, but conceded. "What are we cheersing to?" 

"Well, we're twenty-somethings in New York, living the dream, aren't we?" I said, feeling the booze. 

"You've been watching too many episodes of Girls," Elena said, clinking her glass to mine. After she downed her shot, she gave me a wide-eyed look, while glancing over my shoulder.

"What?" I asked, signaling the bartender for another martini. 

She continued to gesture wildly with her face and neck and before I could call her out on her insanity, I felt an arm snake slowly around my waist. 

"Hey there," Nick said, his breath hot on my neck. 

I turned towards him, "Hey". 

"Sorry about that," he said, pulling back. "Hadley had me cooped up in there discussing show stuff."

"Hadley?" I asked, feigning ignorance. 

"Um yeah, that girl I was with in my room, she's a co-star," he said. 

"Oh," I replied, keeping up the facade that I had never ever googled him (I always, always googled him). 

"Are you guys having fun?" he asked. 

"Yeah," I replied, looking to Elena. "Great party." 

Nick looked uncomfortable at my short replies, and I couldn't explain why but I enjoyed watching him squirm. I looped my arm in Elena's and started to walk back into the crowd. 

Once we had been swallowed by the crowd once again, I released the breath I had been holding. 

"Okay, I'm no expert but you two have more sexual chemistry than Anastasia and Christian," Elena said.

"First off, stop re-reading 50 shades, secondly, he has a girlfriend - clearly." 

"He said co-star," she said. 

"Co-star, bang buddy, whatever," I said, downing half of my martini. "What time is it?"

"11:40," Elena said. 

"This is depressing," I replied. 

She nodded. "I'll kiss you at midnight?" 

I laughed, "Thank you." 

A few people had started dancing to Take Me Home by Cash Cash, and I drug Elena into the middle. I was officially drunk. 

After a few more songs, Elena was dancing close to a strange man and I was drunkely giving her the thumbs up. Midnight was quickly approaching and at least one of us would get a midnight kiss. I was half-heartedly dancing with a guy I knew from college, Ben, when I heard everyone begin to chant. 

"10....9.....8!" 

I guess kissing Ben wouldn't be worse than kissing no one, I reasoned, draping my arms around his shoulders. 

"7...6....5!" 

I smiled at Ben, fully prepared to kiss him when I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist and pull me back. Ben's confused and angry expression was soon replaced by Nick's face, close to mine. 

"What are you..?" I didn't finish my sentence. I heard the echos of "Happy New Year!" bellowing around me and Nick's lips were on mine. His arms wrapped tightly around my waist and I arched my back to fall into him. It was so familiar and so electric all at the same time.  

One Month Later...

I sat on the couch, flipping between one bad reality TV show and the next. Glancing at my ever-silent phone, I saw that it was barely 9 p.m. With Ash gone for two weeks on vacation with her fam, (#Eurotrip), the lull between Christmas and NYE was painfully lonely. The bursting Christmas cheer that practically spilled out of every edge of NYC for the past month was slowly tapering off, and the city had never felt lonelier.

I reached for my phone again and scrolled mindlessly through Instagram, reaching for the glass of wine that had sat half-drank next to me for the past hour. I was bored. Since Dylan and I had broken up I’d felt restless, and that combined with the chaos at work had left me feeling unsettled for weeks.

Being home for Christmas hadn’t been the welcome distraction that I’d been hoping for. The whole four days I was in Philly I was painfully aware of how easily I could hop in my car and see Dylan. Even though the breakup had been mostly mutual, I knew that seeing him would be a bad idea.

I pulled up our string of texts in my phone to re-read them, something that I had done all too frequently these days. Our last exchange was Christmas morning, a simple “Merry Christmas” that he had instigated. Before I'd boarded my train down to Philly on the 24th, he'd asked to see me while I was home. I had made up excuses about a schedule jammed with family dinners and reunions with old friends, trying to keep my distance. I had felt it in my bones after Thanksgiving that as much as I liked Dylan, we just weren't meant to be. The relationship had become defined by more troubles than triumphs. So after a long afternoon, we'd ended it and I hadn't seen him since. Which hadn't stopped him from trying to win me back, albeit fairly pathetically, but his attempts had tapered off as the weeks wore on. So now here I was, single again, temporarily roommate-less, possibly soon-to-be jobless and currently, a little bit drunk. #winning.

Luckily since the holidays were upon us, things had settled down a bit at work. We hadn't heard much talk about the possible layoffs, but everyone had been working their asses off to prove that they were worth keeping. A few people even cancelled long-awaited vacations, not wanting anything to happen while their backs were turned.

As for Gathr, they had thanked me for the interview but hadn't asked me back in. When I asked Jeff about it, he informed me that they had stopped the interviewing process all together, apparently wanting a firm job description in place to properly assess candidates. He told me to sit tight until the new year, but with everything else going on I wasn't as consumed by the rejection as I would have normally been.

As I got up from the couch to fetch a vino refill, my phone pinged with a text. Glancing over, I saw that it was Nick. Ever since Dylan and I had broken up, Nick and I had been texting more frequently. Although I hadn't actually told him I was single, I had a feeling he knew. And even though he hadn't mentioned it, I had seen plenty of photos online of him and one of his "costars", Hadley, all alluding to the fact that they were a bonafide couple.

Hey you - any plans for NYE?

I pondered how to respond. A while back, Dylan and I had purchased tickets to a NYE party in Philly. Since that clearly wasn't happening, I hadn't made any efforts to plan something else. And without Ash to force me out of the house, I had fully planned on staying in and wallowing in my loneliness. I know, I'm becoming more like Bridget Jones, pre-Mark Darcy, every minute.

Actually was planning a low-key night, you?

I replied, keeping an eye on his text bubbles as I refilled my wine.

Low key huh? Well we're having a party at my place, and I'd love it if you could come.

I chewed on my lip, tempted. It would be better than sitting here alone watching sadly as the ball dropped on TV, envisioning my inevitable cat-lady life that laid before me. However then he would definitely know that Dylan and I had broken up.

As I was still debating the pros and cons, another text popped up.

Please?

I sighed.

Okay, I guess I could swing by. I may bring Elena, if that is okay?

I remembered Elena saying that she had no plans for New Years either, and had planned to hang in with her roommate who had recently been dumped. I figured it couldn't be too hard to wrangle her into my plans.

Awesome, starts at 8.

I padded back over to the couch, sending a screen-grab of the conversation to Ash's email. Stupid texting wasn't working while she was traipsing over Europe. I knew she'd want me to be on Trevor duty on NYE, to make sure he wasn't kissing anyone else at midnight.

I sighed, sinking back into the couch. It seemed like I was starting 2015 off the same way I had began 2014... single, unsure, and still in a gray area with Nick. I really needed to branch out.

**I won't be posting Friday, but I'm definitely going to try to get back to at least once a week as the New Year starts! However it won't be my normal Weds/Fri schedule, but I'll be tweeting out the day before a post goes up so make sure to follow me there! (@Trag20Something). With this new job a lot has changed, so writing time isn't as abundant. But I haven't forgotten you and I still have so much planned for Dani in 2015. Have an INCREDIBLE and safe New Year's everyone! Make sure to lay one on someone special at midnight. xoxo**

NEWS!

First off I want to thank you all for being so sweet and supportive lately. No one has posted, tweeted or emailed a negative thing about my lack of posting.

That said, I started writing again (finally!) and will have a post up tomorrow !

xoxo

Layoffs

**Hello my loves. Finally a long awaited post - and i'm so sorry that it's so short. I can't make any promises for Friday but I'll do my best to post. The family member I mentioned passed away, and my new job starts Monday. For now I'm going to promise to post as often as I can but I need to deviate from my Weds/Fri schedule. After the holidays and everything has settled down again, I hope to return to normal posting. Between now and then I'll post as much as I can, and just follow me on twitter for any updates. **

A few minutes after leaving Noah, I entered Platform's offices a complete bundle of nerves. Elena's texts had left me on edge and I had no idea what I was about to walk into. 

I dumped my bag and coat on my desk, scanning the space for my intern before heading into the meeting. No sign of Alice. Rolling my eyes, I grabbed a notebook and headed into the conference room that Elena had instructed. 

As I grew closer, I saw more than 30 people crowded in the glass-walled room. My heart sped up - this had to have something to do with what I heard Colleen discussing on the phone last week. During the last few strides between myself and the heavy glass door to my fate, all I could hear was Colleen's voice repeating in my head "that's a huge cutback Scott."

I pulled the door open slowly, in an attempt to draw as little attention to myself as possible. I spotted Elena seated in the corner nearest the door and, relieved, I slunk into a chair she had saved next to her. We exchanged a few of those knowing facial expressions that you can only master when you really know someone before I turned my attention to Colleen, who was addressing the group.

"--we expected the third quarter sales to jump, especially with the talent we had on our covers. But that just wasn't the case. We've all known that print sales have been down for years, but it's really starting to hit Platform hard now."

She made a dramatic pause and even though I had been in the meeting all of 30 seconds, I felt my stomach drop. 

Finally, Colleen spoke. "I'm not saying that layoffs are imminent, but I just wanted you all to prepare yourselves."

"Oh my god," Becca, a previous intern, said. "That is what you say when someone is about to die."

I bit my lip, trying to stifle a laugh. 

"Becca," Colleen addressed her, clearly frustrated. "I'm just giving a warning, which anyone who pays any attention to our sales figures wouldn't be surprised by."

I glanced at Elena, who was simultaneously side-eyeing me. I knew, realistically, I was in one of the safer departments. If anything digital would get more of the budget in the long run. But Elena was in Editorial, she did a lot of the copy writing and editing for pieces that went in print.  

Colleen ended the meeting and people began filtering out, gossiping loudly as they did so. Having missed the first half of the meeting, I kept my mouth shut until we reached our desks. 

"Fill me in," I said, following Elena to her desk and perching on the side of it.

She took a deep breath. "Basically, Colleen called an emergency meeting for all senior staff and editorial. She told us a bunch of numbers and said that our parent company wasn't happy, then that is about when you walked in."

I could tell she was worried about her job, and I didn't blame her. 

"Why would she even tell everyone? Now the whole staff is going to start looking for other jobs," Elena continued, and I felt a warmth creep up my neck remembering where I had been just 30 minutes before.

"Yeah," I said, before slinking off to my desk. 

Update

My lovely, amazing readers - 

I know you're wondering where Friday's post was. Truth be told, with the bustle of the holiday and then traveling between Philly-NYC, I completely lost track of the time. On top of that, I'm going through a career change (for an incredible new job! but lots to wrap up at my current one), and I have a family member in the hospital. All that said, I don't want to try and push out below-par posts for you guys. I'm going to take a week off, and will be back at it on December 10th. 

I know this is upsetting and annoying (trust me, I've been super bummed in the past when bloggers either go MIA or take a hiatus), but just keep in mind I do this for free in my spare time, and I also don't want to give you guys a post just to give you one - I want them to be well thought out and written. I know I've missed a few posts the last couple of months, but bear with me! 

See you December 10th! 

xoxo  

Gathr

**I hope everyone is staying safe and dry during this storm! As I head home (Philly) it's definitely bad down that way. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone, see you Friday! xoxo**

Luckily since it was the week of Thanksgiving, it was pretty easy for me to slip out for my interview with Gathr on Tuesday morning. I fed Elena the same excuse I had given Colleen about a doctor's appointment and found myself ensconced in a cab on the way to Gathr's "offices" Tuesday morning.

As the cab carried me across town, I took a few minutes to shoot off some work e-mails and refreshed the inbox impatiently, waiting for Alice to confirm that she'd seen the list of things I'd left at her desk for her to do while I was gone. I swear, sometimes having an intern was more work than not having one. Since she was off Thursday for Thanksgiving, she was supposed to be coming in at 7:00 to make up for the time off. But knowing Alice, I was doubtful she'd saunter in before 10:00.

When the cab stopped at the address in Murray Hill I peered out the window at the building, perplexed. It looked just like a house. I paid the cabbie and stepped out onto the street, smoothing my outfit. I'd chosen an Anthro sweater dress with a simple blazer and low booties, since Jeff had stressed that it was casual. Plus, this way I could just shrug off the blazer and didn't have to change before heading to work to avoid any suspicious glances from coworkers. 

I took the four short steps up to the massive doorway and surveyed the available options. Luckily, one was labeled "Gathr" so I buzzed up. 

"Hello?" came a husky voice from the small, rusty box. This particular house had seen better days.

"Hi, my name is Danielle I have an appointment with Noah and Luke?" I said.

"Oh, you're early. Come on up," the voice responded. I heard the loud buzz and opened the door, simultaneously checking my watch. It was 7:56, I would call that right on time for an 8:00 appointment- but whatever floats his boat. 

I started up the stairs before halting. 

"Shit," I said aloud. I appeared to be in an old townhouse that was broken down floor-by-floor into apartments. But he hadn't told me which floor to come up to. I figured that the door had to be labeled, so I continued up the next flight of stairs. A long hallway stretched in front of me, wooden boards creaking in places that had been stepped on thousands of times before today. The door on my left was unmarked, and I didn't hear a single noise coming from beyond it so I walked past. At the end of the hall I was relieved to find a second door - much newer and solid-looking than the first one, marked with the words "Gathr" in brass letters. I rapped on it twice and stepped back when I heard two heavy footsteps approaching from the other side.

The door swung open, and I swear to the gods above us that my ovaries exploded. Was this a male model they hired to open the door? He had dark hair, nearly black, that hung in waves down his forehead and grazed his eyebrows. Several days' worth of scruff adorned his chiseled jawline and under his lightweight sweatshirt I could see hints of some serious muscles. So not the start-up nerd I was picturing.

"Hello, you must be Danielle Fitzgerald" he said, and I detected an Australian accent lacing his words. As if he had come here ages ago with a thick down-under accent, but years of living in the US had softened and molded it until it turned into a hybrid Aussie/American dialect. 

"Hi," I managed to squeak out. I stepped across the threshold and extended my hand to him, praying it wasn't covered with sweat. 

"I'm Luke," he said, shaking my hand firmly and leading me further into the airy space. They had converted an old apartment into their offices and painted everything white - floors, ceiling, even the doorknobs. It gave off a chic vibe- and you could still see the shape of old wooden floorboards and beautiful archways beneath the white. There were a few random desks, all with two-screened Macs on top. The whole room looked like it could house no more than a dozen employees. There was a kitchen off to the right, which still clung to the sense that it belonged in someones home. On the left wall, the company's logo was blown up and layered on. I instantly loved the space. 

I turned my attention back to Luke, who was watching me take everything in.

"This is great," I said, loosely gesturing my arms out at the room.

"Thanks," he said, nodding in agreement. "It's not much but we've made it our own. Start ups, ya know?" he shrugged and gave me a melt-your-fucking-panties smile. If he had asked me in that moment to quit Platform just to carry his child, I would have done it. 

"So," he said, leading me towards the back right corner and gesturing towards a conference-like set up. He took a seat on one side of the sleek table, and I sat down across from him. "Noah should be here soon," he said, interlacing his fingers behind his head and leaning back. I desperately tried to keep my gaze on his face, and not check to see if maybe this pose was causing his sweatshirt to raise up. His dark eyes studied me and I felt like I should say something - ask an intelligent question, comment on the speedy growth of their company that I'd picked up from my google searches - but my brain and my mouth had stopped working together. 

"How long have you and Jeff known each other?" I finally heard myself ask. 

He smiled, as if recalling the memory of how they met. "A long time," he said. "Too long. We went to school together." 

Before he could say more the door to the office opened and another guy walked in, making a beeline for us. I felt my face redden - was everyone employed by this company hot? 

"Hey man," the stranger said, clapping Luke on the back. "Sorry I'm late, traffic was a mess." He draped his coat on the back of the chair next to Luke and turned his attention to me. "You must be Danielle, pleasure." 

I took his extended hand and tried to reciprocate the firm shake. He hadn't said so, but I assumed this to be Noah. He was light to Luke's dark, and not nearly as jaw-droppingly handsome, but he was definitely cute. His dirty blonde hair was cropped close, showing off his wide green eyes. Maybe I had been watching too much Gilmore Girls lately, but his looks reminded me a lot of the every swoon-worthy Logan. 

"So, what have you two covered so far?" Noah asked, sitting down and opening up a notebook. 

"Nothing at all, I was just about to dive into things," Luke said. I pasted on a smile and looked at the two guys expectantly. 

"Well, Dani," Noah took the lead, and I fixed my gaze on him. "I'm not sure how much information Jeff gave you, but we're looking to bring in a sort of public relations, social media, marketing person to spearhead our outreach efforts. We haven't come up with a formal job description, or even a title for that matter. But we know we want someone young to fit in with the demographic - everyone employed here is under 30. And we want someone who will go out and hit the ground running. Bring out-of-the-box ideas to the table, and act on any opportunity they see." 

I absorbed this, nodding my head when appropriate. 

"You work at that magazine now with Jeff, right?" Noah asked.

"Yes, I'm currently the Community Manager at Platform - that's how Jeff and I met. Although as you obviously know, he left about a week ago to start here." 

They both nodded at this. "Yeah he's already proving to be a great addition to the team. Not sure how he even ended up at a magazine with his degree," Luke said, speaking the words I'd been wondering myself ever since Jeff had told me about his background in Engineering. 

"Why are you considering leaving Platform?" Luke asked.

"To be honest, it wasn't something that I was really thinking about until Jeff approached me with this opportunity. I was recently promoted and have really been so swamped with new responsibilites that I haven't had time to consider a four-day weekend, let alone a new venture," I gave them a small smile, and was relieved when they both chuckled. 

"But from what I've seen and read, this seems like a great company. And Jeff is a good friend so I wanted to sit down with you guys to learn more," I heard the 'good friend' lie slip out of my mouth so smooth that even I almost believed it. 

Noah nodded and continued, "Well like I said, we just need someone with the right ambition. Gathr is pretty unheard of so far, but we want to change that. It's all about finding someone who will be a good cultural fit, more than someone who knows the ins and outs of a start up." 

We talked for another half an hour about the ways I'd grown Platforms digital presence, and about their visions for Gathr. It was hard not to feel passionate about this company after hearing Noah and Luke talk about it. They filled me in on stories of it's growth from simple idea, to prototype, from the investors they'd gotten on board and finally to where they were today. They'd covered a lot of ground in the few months since it's inception.

"Well Dani, it's been great meeting you," Luke said, standing up and stretching out his kinks. 

"You as well," I followed suit and stood, shaking his hand. 

"I think I can speak for both of us that we'd love to meet you again," Noah said, and even though I had no clue if I was interested, I felt a wave of excitement wash over me at their approval. 

Luke nodded. "We have a small project we can send your way - just a few questions, situational problems, that kind of stuff. If you're interested in taking this to the next level, I'll e-mail it to you today."

"That sounds great," I said, trying to convey my enthusiasm via my over-eager grin. 

"I'll walk you out," Noah said, coming around the table and falling into stride beside me. "I have to run an errand anyway."

"Okay," I said, as we headed together towards the door. We navigated the narrow hallway in silence and emerged into the warm morning together. 

"Are you headed to work?" he asked, shielding his eyes from the sun to peer down at me. His green eyes looked even brighter in the sunlight.

"Yeah, it's not too far so I think I'll just walk," I said.

"I'm headed up to midtown too, do you mind if I walk with you?" he asked. It felt weird, since a minute ago he had just been grilling me on measuring the ROI of social media but I nodded. 

"Of course," I said, and we headed uptown together. "Where are you headed?"

"Just a quick coffee meeting, 47th and Lex," he said. "Are you staying in town for the holiday?"

"No," I answered. "I'm from Philly originally and my family is down that way. You?"

"Hanging in the city, my family is on the West Coast so it's kind of tough to get away for just a day or two," he said.

"Where out west?"

"San Fran," he said, smiling as if just the name of the city could cheer him up.

"I love it there. I've only been once, and I was about 15 but I remember it being gorgeous."

"Yeah it's an amazing city. But then again so is New York," he said. "I don't get home as much as I want to. I just booked a week over Christmas, so that will be the first time I've been back since March."

"That's tough," I said. "I'm lucky that my family is just a quick train ride away."

As we approached 47th, I felt dismayed that he was leaving. It was refreshing to meet someone new, who I knew nothing about. As we got to the corner, I noticed a petite blonde watching us. Her gaze fixed on me, as if assessing the situation. When we got closer, her whole expression changed as she bellowed out Noah's name.

"Noah!," she said, enveloping him in a hug while keeping her gaze on me. "You're late," she scolded.

"I know, sorry, meeting ran late," he stepped aside to introduce me. "This is Danielle, one of the candidates for our marketing position. Danielle, this is Anna."

"Hello," I said, shaking her leather gloved hand. She returned my greeting with a narrow smile. 

"Shall we?" she said, turning her attention back to Noah.

He nodded, "It was great meeting you Danielle," he said. "Here's my card. Luke should be e-mailing you the project but if you ever need.. anything." 

I took the card from him, "Thanks."

He followed Anna into Starbucks, his hand on the small of her back. I wasn't sure why I felt a pang of jealousy at the duo I knew nothing about. 

I continued uptown, my head overflowing with information. This company sounded really exciting and it was a chance to be a part of something potentially huge. However, if it failed I'd be back to square one. I also knew nothing about marketing a start up. Plus, I was already attracted to both founders. That seemed like a recipe for trouble.

I dug around in my bag for my phone, intending to skim any work e-mails as I walked. I was greeted with two texts and a missed call from Elena. 

8:40 a.m.: Hey are you almost here?? There's some secret staff meeting happening at 9. 

8:55: Just tried calling you - come to the south side conference room when you get in. I think this has something to do with that shady call you overheard Colleen on last week. 

Today's Post

Holidays + work craziness + me being a terrible human and not pre-planning = no post today. :( 

I'm sorry! Especially after you guys gave so many great and insightful comments last week I wish I could add more, but the post isn't at its best yet. I'll definitely plan ahead so that even over the holiday next week it'll be up Wednesday and Friday, and I promise to make them extra long. So any of you who are taking planes or trains home will have something to read Wednesday. 

Have a great weekend everyone, stay warm if you're up North like I am! 

Game Plan

**One day left to vote Team Dylan v Team Nick! Not sure yet if it'll affect the story line, since I already have an idea of what is next. But it's great to see everyone's opinion!** 

Dylan's train was due in at 1 p.m., so I had texted Ash asking her to make herself scarce for a few hours. Not that she had even returned home from Trevor's anyway. It was now 1:05 and he would be arriving at my apartment any minute, depending on how in demand the cabs were outside Penn Station.

I tried to decide what props I would need to help fuel this serious conversation that Dylan (unexpectedly, the poor sap) and I were about to have. Cheese platter? Tea sandwiches? I wasn't even hungry, and I assumed that Dylan had probably grabbed a bite at 30th like he usually did. Instead, I paced the small apartment, trying to tame the butterflies in my stomach. What if this ended badly? What if he decided that this was too serious and wanted out? I surveyed my outfit in the mirror for the seventh time that hour. Boyfriend jeans, worn-in sweater that hung off one shoulder, loose curls and minimal makeup. I had chosen one of my least favorite tops just in case this ended badly. I had a habit of associating clothes with memories, and if this was a bad one I didn't want to have a hard time parting with what I'd been wearing. 

As I padded into the kitchen and opened the fridge again, my eyes landed on the half-empty (half-full?) bottle of Pinot. As I reached for it I reasoned with myself; just a glass to calm my nerves. While I watched the liquid pouring into a glass, I wondered for not the first time how many drinks per week constituted alcoholism. 

As I sipped the calm-inducing liquid, I mentally ran through my talking points. Was this really going somewhere, since we always seemed to fight? Did he really see a future with us? Why did I still not trust him? I forced these issues to the front of my mind, backing them with real incidences of when I had felt insecure, distrust and unsure. I was determined not to let my excitement at seeing him and my female anatomy do any of the talking until we had hashed out these issues. 

By the time the buzzer sounded a few minutes later, I had worked up to an emboldened version of myself that I wasn't even sure I recognized. I opened the door and gave him a stiff hug. 

"Hey gorgeous," he said, trying to pull me tighter. I resisted. 

Holding me at arms length, he gave me a confused expression. "What do I smell or something?" 

I returned his question with a weak smile. "I think we need to talk."

His face dropped, and I immediately regretted my first words. Quickly losing confidence at his dismayed expression, I tried to reword my thoughts. 

"I just mean, I have a few things on my mind I want to talk about.." I trailed. 

"Right now?" he asked. I admit, it did seem a little like an ambush. He was still standing in the doorway, bag slung over one shoulder and the brisk cold clinging to his body like an invisible cloud. 

"Yes," I nodded, leading him to the couch. 

"Do I at least get a kiss first?" he asked, in an effort to lighten the tense mood I had created. I leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek before settling back into the couch. 

"Okay so.. what's going on?" he asked, slinging his coat over the back of the couch and sitting down across from me. There was so much space between us, and I ached to close it. But I continued on with my preamble. 

"First off, I don't want you to think that this is about those transfer papers. Because it's not. I totally get why you turned that down," I began. He nodded slowly, still unsure where this was going. "But I just feel like.. it's been more than 5 months since we started hooking up, and I still don't trust you. And we never talk about the future. And I don't want you to move here right now - I mean, if you did it'd be great but it's not something I need- but I just want to know what you're thinking. About...us." 

He absorbed this, his poker face not giving away an ounce of what he thought. After an uncomfortable 30 seconds I was about to ramble more when he finally spoke.

"Dani..I've told you how I feel about you. And that I'm not the best at relationships. If I didn't want to be with you or didn't see a future with us, I wouldn't be with you." 

"I know but I just always feel like you're so distant. And the fact that Kara still says stuff--"

"This is about Kara again?" he interrupted. "I don't know how many times I can tell you that there is nothing going on there. Nothing." 

I couldn't help but notice he didn't look me in the eyes as he said this. 

"Plus, you're out hanging out with your ex-boyfriend all of the time and I never say a word!" he was raising his voice now. "I mean you had dinner with him last night, jesus. You didn't even call me like I'd asked, and when I called you I got no answer. But I trust you, so I brushed it off. Yet here I am, after a two hour train ride, and you immediately start accusing me of being untrustworthy? I mean come on Danielle." 

His words stung, and for a moment I didn't speak. I had always assumed I was the injured party in this relationship, but he had a point. 

"Nick is just.. complicated. He's a part of my life. But I'd never let anything happen with him," I said, trying to believe my own words. 

"This isn't about Nick or Kara," I continued. "I just want to know about us. If you're really in this, or if it's just how you're passing the time."

"I could ask you the same thing," he said. 

I felt exhausted already, this conversation was not going the way I had hoped. 

"Every time we hang out, it's great. We have fun. But we never talk about anything," I said.

"What do you want to talk about?" 

"Us! A future. Anything." 

"You said this isn't about those transfer papers, but it kind of seems like it is," he said softly.

I shrugged.

"You're the one who is from Philly, don't you ever think about coming back? I mean, it is your hometown." 

"I know.. but the jobs I want, the career I want, is easier to get in New York. And you're in finance.. there's an entire district dedicated to that here!" I said in a meek attempt to make a joke. 

"Dani.. like you said, it's only been 5 months. I like you a lot. I love spending time with you. If you need some sort of grand commitment right now.. I can't offer you that. All I can tell you is I like how things are going."

"Me too," I said, feeling like we had accomplished nothing. 

"How about this," he said, reaching for my hand. "Let's enjoy this weekend. Then, take some time to think about what you really want from me. Because honestly, I don't even think you know. And I'll do the same."

"Okay," I said to him. Thankful that he had proposed a game plan. 

"And I'll still see you the weekend after Thanksgiving, and we can talk more then." 

I nodded, and finally allowed myself to crawl into his lap. Feeling safe, I exhaled and allowed his strong arms to wrap around me. I couldn't explain why but at that moment, I had a distinct feeling that I was losing something.